When I open my eyes
by ageofaagje
Summary: What do you see... what do you feel... are you scared... I am!
1. Default Chapter

When I opend my eyes!

I find myself in an black room. Nobody 's there. It's just me. But whatever I do, I always scare myself. All I can see is my own reflexion. Me, the real me. Everytime I see the beast within me, staring at me and I just stare back. If somebody would see, they would think that there where to people inside that room. A man, capeble of loving and the other pure evil. Than when he leaves me alone, I find peace, but when he doesn't, he can make me agree, but mostly afraid. When I open my eyes in the morning, I know he's there, in my mind, the guild keeps the blood lust away. I should say, keeps me from killing people, for there blood. Day in day out I live of animal blood. I can't come out at daytime. But at night, before I'm foreced to rest and close my eyes, I go out and face evil. If I could I would take my own evil away. But can't only "they" can. I don't want to go to hell, but I know that I don't realy have a chance to get into heaven. The good I have been doing will never erase what I have done in past. It is writen that a vampire with a soul, would do so many good, that he would be rewarded. That vampire would get real live, a heartbeat, air in he's lungs. I was the only one with a soul, but now there's Spike…  
He gets a soul and just lives with it, it seems that he doesn't even have one problem with it. Like the guild that took me apart.  
I should thank my reflexion, he doesn't what to desturb my thinking. Sleeping is such a nice thing…


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry that it took me forever to get on with my writing

Sorry that it took me forever to get on with my writing!  
The next chapter of 'When I open my eyes'! Hope you enjoy it!

p.s. Yes I do write misstakes! Sorry! English isn't my native language keep that in mind please!

Thin-K: Thx for the review! If you have any thoughts about it let me know!

Indigo Spirit: Maybe it's my point... that the story is not what you expect!

When I opend my eyes!

This morning I broke my mirror! I regret it! Cause it was the only mirror I could actualy see myself in! Being a vampire is hard... try to get your hair right when you can't see it...  
I was almost drowing in selfpity... Pick yourself up and be a man!

"I should thank my reflexion, he doesn't want to desturb my thinking. Sleeping is such a nice thing…"  
The moment that I was thinking that... I was wondering why? Why does the beast inside me keep still? Is it because I drink blood... Still a vampire loves the bite more than the drinking! To feel the shivers of the person... there realisation that there is nothing they can do! There dead awaiting...  
I had to stop my thoughts! It was thinking without a soul... I wish I could see my soul... Would it be black? The most important thing is that I have a soul... My that's the key of getting my soul free of all the harm I did! Looking at it and shrink in horror when I see all the wrong I did, for it to get so black! Would it be so terribly bad, that I would fear the punishment... the hurt I would feel, of all the pain that I have cost so many people! Thinking of it... it's like pain but nothing real enough to feel because it can't reach my heart...  
So being granted the gift of life... would it be enduring pain each day I live... for hunderds of years I did bad things, I killed people! Alive...I would not live so long to get back all the darkness!

So I needed to deside... Did I want to get my life back? They had cleary set I still had to pay for all the dead that I caused... well not all of it... but still!  
My desicion would effect others! Like spike! 'They' had explained that he was second in line to get his life back! Why? He got his soul back... but still he had no regret! He knew he did lots of bad things but took the burden on his soul without a blink! He could still hate...  
'They' had also said that there was a chance that I would not survive! a big chance...  
After the last 'big' appocalypse, we all nearly died! We still don't understand why we survived... It was like a storm of demons. I still don't know how long we fought!  
Then there was the light... and... I couldn't remember! Why?  
_"Why do you want to remember?"_  
Where was that voice coming from? Who are you?  
_"I'm all and nothing! I can make you remember but than you would want to go back... I can't do that without changing... you and them..."  
_You talk in ridles! If I would want to go back... to where you got me... that means that I'm not at the place I'm suppost to be!  
_'Hahaha you are smarter than the think you are! But I can't bring you to where I got you! That time has come and gone. I think Three months have gone... I can tell you... not all your friends survived! I have an other of your friends with me... The one you call Fred?'  
_fred died! Her body was taken...  
_'Yes! I know! Good thing I like to keep what seems to be lost!'  
_So will you send me back?  
_'If that is what you want! But you should no, it will hurt and it will seem like forever! And then when you wake... you will be in a world whitch you do not know or understand! You might be crazy of the pain you had to endure and you will have to fight for your live! You will no longer be a vampire! But you will live in a sealed off part of the world filled with demons!'  
_So I will get back my life... but... I might be dead in a matter of minutes?  
_'Yes! This is one way!'  
_What is the other way?  
_'I could grant you the power that I collected...'  
_And what will you ask in return?  
'_For every demon you destroy you will collect there power! You will be a body of power! And the day you will die... you will return the power I collected and the one you collected!'  
_So I will get more powerfull with every demon I kill?  
_'Maybe... your aren't made to handle such power... So in time you might lose yourself! It depends on how you can controle it!'  
_Will Fred be returned?  
'_I could... the other is gone... but her power is still there! It will return to the body when her soul returns... so she will have to learn and controle... I wasn't able to collect them... yet'  
_So... is she going to?  
_'I don't know... I can not read souls! And souls do not talk without a body!'  
_I want to go back! I decided! And I think Fred would go back to...  
_'You think you can decide for her?'  
_Well... I know her! And if she can't say... maybe it's up to me to talk for her!  
_'Very well! You will face the deads... she will face her wrongs and you will both return and if you can finish this war, I will clean your souls! If all is good the shield around the city will fall! You need to create balance! in the city! As many humans as there are demons! ...'_

I was wondering wish mirror that I broke if I wasn't in reality, when the pain stuck me and everything went black..._  
_


End file.
